Manuel Ignacio Sanchez - Mannie Moe

February 24, 2015

This is the third part in a four-part series about the Sanchez brothers. Today I am writing about Mannie, Manuel Ignacio Sanchez (for context see previous blogs).

In birth order, he is the third born but in brother pecking order, he is definitely the Alpha male. Mannie, 21 years old at this writing, is active and aggressive. At 6’4”, he is an imposing figure who is always looking for ways to better himself. He recently started a 7 month telecommunications certificate program at a local technical college. He found the tech school lead on his own. I helped him get the necessary documents together ie: proof of being in foster care system from the court, etc. but it was mainly driven by him. He has been going to school for 3 weeks now and he loves it. It has renewed his passion for learning again. And it really shows! This is the most meaningful part of being able to help the Sanchez brothers.

I first met Mannie thru his oldest brother. Cesar was living with me at the time. He had been living here and was ready to go “out on his own”. Mannie called me about 1 month before he turned 18. He asked if I had a place for him to stay, when he turned 18. I told him, yes I did. I had always heard nice things about Mannie from Cesar. Growing up, Cesar got teased a lot for being different. Mannie came to his defense/rescue on more than one occasion.

Mannie moved in with me on his 18th birthday. The first thing he wanted to do was get his driver’s license. The day after his birthday, he went to the DMV to take the written test. He missed it by one question so he went home and studied. The next day he took it and answered all questions correctly. I think we must have practiced driving almost every day of that month. He went back to the DMV and he passed his driving test on the first try. I must admit that I am a very demanding drive instructor and I expected a lot of him (driving is so important). There were a couple of times when the lesson was abruptly over, my doing. Still he persevered thru it all and successfully got his license. I was as proud of him and he was of himself!

For his first flight we went to Albuquerque, New Mexico. It was during the weekend of the Gathering of Nations, the last full weekend of April, every year. It’s the largest Pow Wow in the country, attracting thousands of dancers and drums from all over North America. It’s was quite a sight and sound experience. We also visited the Skandia Peaks ski area above Albuquerque.

**Skandia Ski area above Albuquerque. NM**

Mannie had tried different professions during his 9 month stay with me including: vacuum cleaners sales, magazine subscriptions, busboy, stadium sales, etc. It has been a valuable learning experience for him.

He met a woman here in San Diego. She was from Phoenix so he decided to move out there, to be closer together. He ended up living in the Phoenix area, for about 2 years.

After his time in Phoenix, Mannie made contact with his dad, Arturo. Mannie ended up living with him in Santa Ana. He got a job there. It was right after that time together that I noticed a subtle change in Mannie. He was more attuned to his gentle nature.

In the past Mannie could be aggressive, sometimes overly. To experience this change to his gentler side is amazing and beautiful to behold !

Back to today. Mannie likes to travel. He has flown to and stayed in Atlanta, Georgia and Denver, Colorado. He has an adventurous nature.

The offer on the table is a trip, to a country where a passport is required, upon successful completion of his Telecommunications certificate. We will start the application process for a passport 3 months in advance of his expected completion date, Sept 11, 2015. It’s important for him to have goals. If I can add an enticement at the end, all the better.

I know that Mannie will be fine, at whatever he does.

Here is my cheer and my prayer for you. Always balance your beautiful gentle nature with your aggressive side. Keep the balance.

Best wishes in everything you do my friend

Cesar Martin Sanchez

January 27, 2015

This is the second entry in a four part series - highlighting each of the four Sanchez brothers (for context see previous blogs). Today I am writing about the oldest brother, Cesar Martin Sanchez AKA Marie Heart.

**Cesar Martin Sanchez above Hollywood sign**

I first got involved with the brothers thru meeting Cesar. We struck up a conversation and I invited him to a free classical music concert later that afternoon. He had never been to one before so he was impressed, even though “it was not his kind of music”. After the concert, we talked about many different things including his past and what he saw as his future. We “ran into each other” about a week later and had another nice conversation. At the time, he was staying with a friend but that was about to end. I invited him to come and stay with me for a week. As it turned out, one week turned into one year.

When he was first living here, we mapped out a strategy to help him achieve his goals and ambitions. One of his goals was to get a job so I helped him create a resume. We didn’t have much to work with but we made one anyway. He got a letter of recommendation to go with it. We had an added obstacle. Cesar, bless his heart, has rather severe learning issues. His understanding and comprehension of written materials are not what they should be. To compensate for this we made a plan. I would help him fill out the job applications. Applying online it was not a problem as I could always help him unseen. When he had to go in to the actual restaurant, it was a little different. He would ask for the application then say he forgot his glasses, come out to the car where I would help him fill it out. He would then go back in to return it, all filled out. All this effort paid off. Cesar landed a food service job at a private university. It was a long way from our house and required two bus transfers, each way, to get there. To his credit, he did this about four days a week for eight months.

Cesar knew from an early age, 11 to be exact, that he was gay. Growing up in the foster system has its challenges, especially for someone who is different. According to him, he was always open about the fact that he was gay, and it got him into some trouble. He often relied on his younger brother, Mannie, to keep his tormentors away.

I have always encouraged Cesar to be proud of who he is, I think it’s very important.

One of Cesar’s great attributes is that he is always happy! It doesn’t matter what’s happening in his life, good times or bad, he is always happy. I use this example to his brothers all the time.

For Cesar’s first plane flight he chose San Francisco. He always wanted to go there and to fly on a plane. We stayed at a nice hotel right under the Trans America tower. We got to do all the touristy things like ride cable cars, walk and eat in Chinatown, Union Square, etc. For Cesar, walking around the Castro area was it.

It was nice to be able to share this with him.

After about a year living with me, Cesar was ready to go out on his own. It was good timing because his brother Mannie was about to turn 18 with no place to go. I helped Cesar find a room to rent near here. It was a “fixer upper” so he painted it with the colors he liked and moved in. That was almost 3 1/2 years ago.

About 2 years ago, Cesar became “fascinated” by cross dressing. He quickly got into the scene and is a popular Drag Queen in the Hillcrest area. At 6’5”, even taller in size 15 high heels, she stands out.

Another life changing event occurred 8 months ago for Cesar. He was riding as a passenger in a vehicle this past Memorial Day weekend. A speeding drunk driver was hurling his vehicle towards them. He hit 2 parked cars then smashed his vehicle into the car that Cesar was riding in. Meanwhile Cesar was trapped in the car. The “jaws of life” were used to get him out of the wrecked vehicle. He was transported via ambulance to the hospital. There he found out that his C-1 vertebra was badly fractured, his hip was fractured and he had many assorted bruises. The doctors did emergency surgery to fuse some of the vertebrae together. They added a plate in the back of his head with rods running down his spine.

This brings me back to the rehab unit. Cesar was confronted with the daunting task of rehabilitation. It was just too much for him at the time. He refused to participate in any of the rehab activities despite what other people were telling him. He was in such pain that all he wanted to do was sleep. Due to his lack of participation in anything, he developed pneumonia. After I left the hospital, I thought for sure he had completely given up on life. I was resigned to the fact that if that’s what Cesar wanted then there’s nothing more I could do. I was ready to sit with him until he passed. Fortunately, he snapped out of it and began to participate in life again.

**Cesar (l) with his youngest brother Jesus, Dec. 2014**

It has been a tough climb but he has embraced it and recovered well. To look at him today you would never know what happened.

I will always be in Cesar/ Marie’s life as a friend, advocate and mentor.

I wish you Peace and Happiness, always my friend !

Jesus Javier Sanchez - May You find Peace

December 31, 2014

In my previous blogs, I find that I am usually writing about issues that are close to my heart. This time is no different. In fact, this is the first part of a four part series - highlighting each of the four Sanchez brothers.

Today I am starting with the youngest brother,

Jesus Javier Sanchez.

Jesus -  September 2012 — **Jesus - September 2012**

For the past 5 years, I have been involved as a mentor/ advocate for a family of 4 young men, the Sanchez brothers. Caesar is the oldest at 23, Miguel is 22, Manuel is 21 and Jesus is 19. The brothers have all been in the foster care system for most of their lives. I first got involved with the family thru the oldest boy, Cesar. I allowed him to live at my house for about 1 year. In fact, I have allowed all four of the Sanchez brothers to live with me, for about 1 year each, usually when they got out of the foster care system at age 18. I have helped them get their first jobs, taken them each on their first plane rides, helped Manuel & Miguel get their driver’s licenses and generally focused on “quickly learning important life lessons”. Lessons such as the importance of saying “Thank You” each and every time it’s due. Or trying to get them to understand and appreciate their “uniqueness and individuality”. On any given day, I may help two or more of the brothers, depending on what’s happening that particular day. I feel blessed to be of service in this way!

Now let me tell you about the Jesus I know. At 19, he is the youngest of the four Sanchez brothers. The Jesus I know can be kind, generous and caring. He likes to share whatever he has with the people around him. While he was living with me, we would chant together. His favorites were Native American peyote prayer chants but he also joined me in chanting some Tibetan Buddhist prayers. It was such an amazing transformation to behold – Calm, Peaceful & Energized. For his first plane trip he chose Denver. We went in November so he got to experience cold and snow first hand. It was wonderful to share the experience with him.

**Jesus in Leadville, Colorado, elevation 10,000 ft.- November 2012**

We took a camping trip to Bryce National Park in summer. I am interested in seeing wildlife in its natural habitat. Jesus loved being in the wilderness. One of his favorite times was watching a nesting pair of Ospreys. They brought fish back to the nest. He insisted we make a list of all our wildlife sightings. At the end of the trip we were surprised at the quantity and variety of creatures we were able to observe.

**Jesus with Ellen at Bryce NP, Utah - June 2013**

A little history might help. I first met Jesus thru his older brothers in 2011. On holidays, I would invite all brothers interested, to be together over at my house. When Manuel moved out of my house to go to Phoenix in June 2012, I got a call from Jesus’ social worker, David. Jesus had run away from his foster family and was at the Polinski Center. David was having trouble placing Jesus because of his age, 17, at that time. He asked me if I would consider being his foster dad. I did all the required paperwork and he came to live with me in early July 2012. I enrolled him in school. Unfortunately, a by-product of his experience in the foster system is under achievement and low expectations in school. His basic skills are terrible. When he was living with me, I made him read for 15 minutes every day, even though it was hard for him. That was part of our deal. I paid attention to many different interests of his: researching his Native heritage – we went to Pow Wows and other cultural events. Then his attitude got bad. He began missing school and lying about it, not coming home as expected and other disrespectful things.

Jesus with Doug & Josette & family - Pow Wow at Morango - August 2012 — **Jesus with Doug & Josette & family - Pow Wow at Morango - August 2012**

In early December 2012, two months before his 18th birthday, I decided to take the unusual step of placing him back into the foster system, for the last 2 months before he turned 18, “to get his attention”. I told him when I did it, when he turns 18, he can come back and stay with me, again. As it turned out it was a good thing.

It gave him time to think about it. The day he turned 18, he came back with a whole new attitude. Also at 18, because he was a foster youth, he was entitled to be on a program, AB-12. If they meet certain criteria (school or work) they received about $800 per month. I made Jesus save half that amount every month in an account that needed my signature to withdraw. He saved up enough to pay his half of a trip to Florida. It was a great experience for him and he appreciated being able to pay his half of the plane fare.

Jesus has always looked up to his brother, Manuel, so when Mannie offered Jesus to come live in Phoenix, he said yes. I drove him there on Sept 1, 2013. It was a tough 45 days for him. In that short amount of time in Arizona, he managed to put his right fist and arm through a glass window. He almost bled to death as he cut an artery. He was mad at Manuel for not opening the door fast enough. Jesus has a temper and often has a hard time controlling it. That incident got both of them kicked out. Jesus ended up in the hospital for 8 days. Fortunately for him the doctors did a great job putting the nerves back in place. Jesus was living in a homeless shelter for 2 weeks before coming back to San Diego. Jesus called me on October 15th and asked if I would send him a bus ticket home. I did.

When he got back here in San Diego, he met his friend, Steven, who offered him a place to stay. I got him enrolled back into school and found him a doctor. We were in family court on October 29, 2013 for the AB 12 hearing. Jesus was first arrested as we walked out of that courtroom.

Fast forward to now. Over the past 14 months, Jesus has been released from jail and picked up for probation violations on 4 separate occasions, usually for not checking in weekly with the probation department. It seems like he just doesn’t care anymore and that’s sad. Life hasn’t been easy for him since his first arrest. With a felony conviction on his record it is near impossible to get a job, we’ve tried. When he’s not in jail, he is homeless (he stays with a group of people who sleep in parks and abandon garages). Unfortunately, I have a small place and his brother Miguel is staying with me now, it’s his turn. Jesus comes over when he’s hungry, needs a shower and clean clothes or just a place to be with his brother(s).

**My most recent photo of all four Sanchez brothers. Jesus (2nd left)**

I’m happy to be able to do this for him, I wish I could do more. It’s especially sad (for me) when I give him a ride back “home” to the park. I try to keep positive in front of him but when he gets out of the car and walks away, I sometimes feel like crying. Then I say a prayer for him and realize I'm doing all I can.

**Jesus with friend Steven (getting a tattoo) on his birthday - February 2014**

I just left a court hearing for Jesus. He was in jail on his fourth probation violation. I contacted his public defender and he seems like a compassionate man but he is so overwhelmed with his caseload that he can only spend a couple of minutes with each inmate and usually just before their hearing . I wrote a letter to the judge that I doubt he ever got. It really draws into sharp contrast how the legal system is stacked against people without means and money. It breaks my heart, there’s nothing more I can do. I’ve done all I can and I wasn’t able to keep Jesus from going to state prison.

Will I stop caring for him? Absolutely not. All his life he has had people walk away from him when things get tough. I will visit him occasionally, bringing one or more of his brothers along. He likes to read about native peoples and his heritage – the Yaqui. I can send him new books thru Amazon – that will make his time more productive.

**Jesus in Las Vegas (we saw this show) - March 2013**

My New Year’s wish for you, Jesus Javier Sanchez – May you find Peace in your heart. You are a beautiful human being deserving of all of life’s goodness and bounty. May you realize this, my friend!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This is a copy of the letter I wrote to the judge, hoping it might help. Unfortunately the judge never got to see it.

To the Court, Judge December 28, 2014

Hi. My name is Mike Suess. I am the advocate/ mentor for Jesus Sanchez. I want to tell you about Jesus and his situation but it will take some set up. This is a long, detailed letter but if you want to really understand Jesus, it’s all necessary.

Jesus is the youngest of 4 brothers. All 4 of the boys, (Caesar, Miguel, Manuel & Jesus) have been in the foster care system for most of their lives. Jesus has been in there the longest, at 14 years. I first got involved with the family thru the oldest boy, Caesar. He didn’t have any place to go so I invited him to stay with me to “figure out what he wanted to do with his life”. In fact, I have allowed all 4 of the Sanchez boys to live with me, for about 1 year each, usually when they got out of the foster care system at age 18. I have helped them get jobs, took them on their first plane rides, helped Manuel & Miguel get their driver’s license, etc.

Back to Jesus. I had known him thru his brothers. When Manuel moved out of my house to go to Phoenix in June 2012, I got a call from Jesus’ social worker, David Salinas. Jesus had run away from his foster family and was at Polinski. David was having trouble placing Jesus because of his age, 17 at that time. He asked me if I would consider being his foster dad. I did all the required paperwork and he came here in July 2012. I enrolled him in school. A by-product of his experience in the foster system is his under achievement in school. His basic skills are terrible. When he was living with me, I made him read for 15 minutes every day even though it was hard for him. That was part of our deal. I paid attention to many different interests of his: checking into his Native heritage – we went to Pow Wows and other cultural events; modeling – he joined an agency and other nice things. Then his attitude got bad.

In early December 2012, two months before his 18th birthday, I decided to take the unusual step of placing him back into the foster system, for the last 2 months before he turned 18, “to get his attention”. I told him when I did it, when he turns 18, he can come back and stay with me, again. As it turned out it was the best thing I ever did for him. It gave him time to think about it. The day he turned 18, he came back with a whole new attitude. Also at 18, because he was a foster youth, he was entitled to be on a program, AB-12. If they meet certain criteria (school or work) they received about $800 per month. I made Jesus save half that amount every month in an account that needed my signature to withdraw. He saved up enough to pay his half of a trip to Florida. It was a great experience for him and he appreciated being able to pay half for himself.

Jesus has always looked up to his brother Manuel so when he offered Jesus to come live in Phoenix, he said yes. I drove him there on Sept 1st. It was a tough 45 days for him. In that short amount of time in Arizona, he managed to put his right fist and arm through a glass window. He almost bled to death as he cut an artery. He was mad at Manuel for not opening the door. Jesus has a temper and often has a hard time controlling it. That incident got both of them kicked out. Jesus ended up in the hospital for 8 days. Fortunately for him the doctors did a great job putting the nerves back in place. Jesus was living in a homeless shelter for 2 weeks before coming back to San Diego. In their time in Phoenix, both of the boys were out of compliance with the AB 12 program due to getting kicked out. Jesus called me on October 15, 2013 and asked if I would send him a bus ticket home. I did.

When he got back here he met his friend, Steven, who offered him a place to stay. I got him enrolled back into school, found him a doctor. We were in family court on October 29th for the AB 12 hearing Jesus was originally arrested as we walked out of that courtroom.

I have visited Jesus at George Bailey detention facility in Otay Mesa. Once in a while I manage to get one of his brothers to go along. He needs to know that someone is out there thinking about him. I have sent him books thru Amazon (It’s the only way they can receive books). I want him to make productive use of his time

Jesus has been picked up on probation violation charges several different times since his original arrest. Up to now Jesus just hasn’t cared. What’s different now is that Jesus is a father and he has not been able to see the baby yet. A complicated situation, the baby’s mother is a minor. They have a restraining order against Jesus. I think what might get Jesus’ attention - the hope that he may one day be able to see his son. I’m sure the probation department will require him to successfully remain in compliance of his probation. The visit will probably have to be a supervised visit with his probation officer in attendance. At least it will give him a positive goal to work towards.

Jesus and I have been talking about a strategy when he gets out. He needs to get back on the AB 12 program. (The AB12 program was meant for exactly these kinds of kids, foster youth who through no fault of their own, have been in the system for most of their lives). It will mean he has to go back to school. For me it would be good if he got his skills level high enough to get his GED. He is way behind in credits.

Jesus has a tough climb ahead for himself. He needs to get into the transitional housing program and make a life for himself. Poor kid, he's seems to be making it hard for himself. I'll try to be there, as often as I can, to make sure he gets as fair a shake in life, as is possible.

Feel free to contact me if you need additional information. Thanks

Sincerely

Michael Suess

A Birthday Tradition

October 31, 2014

I recently celebrated my birthday. I have always tried to incorporate ideas and traditions that I like, into my life. One of the ideas I really like, is that of sharing of food with friends and loved ones, on your birthday. This is your birthday, your special day, and you to want to share it with the people you love. This is my gift to you, thanks for sharing my birthday with me!

I have worked in healthcare for many years, that’s where I first learned of this tradition, in the Filipino culture. Sharing of food with friends, family and co-workers, on your birthday is a common practice. I was fortunate to have been invited into these “birthday bashes” on many occasions. I can still “smell” the lumpia and the pancit noodles.

On my most recent birthday, I continued a tradition I started about 5 years ago, taking all of the interested Sanchez brothers who wanted to go, out to breakfast, lunch or dinner; their restaurant choice. This year, I was able to take Miguel and Jesus to their favorite restaurants (For context, see previous blogs, “All Life is Sacred”, “Other People’s Lives”, “My Eventful Day”, “Recognizing and Appreciating Life’s Small Accomplishments”, “The Importance of Having Fun and Being Happy“, “On Being Hopeful and Hope-filled” & “Understanding the Whole Picture”).

Jesus had never been to IHOP and he wanted to go there, that was his choice. The nice thing about eating at a restaurant is that you get to be with your guest, at the same table, looking directly at each other (at least, that’s how I arranged it). He ordered some decadent waffle dish with loads of sugar. We got to talk about important, life-changing issues that are quickly “coming due” for him. Jesus, at 19, will soon be a dad, ready or not. Being able to “help him look forward” and understand all his future responsibilities, was rewarding. Hopefully I have instilled these ideals in his consciousness, time will tell.

Miguel wanted to eat dinner at his favorite Italian restaurant in the “Little Italy” area in San Diego. He especially likes it for the ambiance. They have hundreds, maybe thousands of Chianti bottles hanging down from the ceiling and according to him, the best pizza around. Miguel is a waiter at a local resort hotel so he likes to visit different restaurants and observe what goes on in with the staffs. We got to connect in a meaningful way, looking directly at each other with no distractions. I am teaching Miguel how to drive and he is doing well. It gives him a sense of accomplishment which in turn helps build his self-esteem.

I feel fortunate to be a part of his growth.

I am thankful for this birthday tradition. It allows me meaningful time with people I really care about. I am blessed!

Understanding the Whole Picture

October 9, 2014

I thought it was odd that Jesus wouldn’t tell me first. I am usually the one he turns to, for help, when things go bad for him. I visit him when he’s in jail which, unfortunately, has been too often. I advocate/ mentor for Jesus and his 3 brothers, (For context, see previous blogs, “All Life is Sacred”, “Other People’s Lives”, “My Eventful Day”, “Recognizing and Appreciating Life’s Small Accomplishments”, “The Importance of Having Fun and Being Happy“ & “On Being Hopeful and Hope-filled”) so when I heard that Jesus was going to be a dad, I was a little shocked, to say the least. For the year that he was living with me, I was always the one that was giving him condoms before he went out. Having the talk and trying to make sure he always had protection. And Wow, you got a girl pregnant! It’s no wonder he didn’t want to tell me ! I ended up finding out from his brothers.

He was afraid to tell me because of the way he thought I would react. His oldest brother was teasing him, saying stupid things like “I want you to get a blood test to make sure it’s yours” and other similar things so he thought I might react the same way. Of course, I didn’t. I was actually calm when Jesus arrived. We had planned to get him a replacement ID, as he had lost his, so he came over. I greeted him at the front porch and asked him to follow me so we could talk in private, just he and I. I started by telling him how serious and important his future has now become and about his future responsibilities. I reminded him how precious life is and the wonderful opportunity he has before him; I helped him to understand his obligations, if he wants to be an active part of the baby’s life. I also reminded him that if he wanted to get a blood test that it was his business, and his business, only. He made a poignant statement, “I don’t want to be like my dad. I want to be there for the baby’. And I really hope he is!

The baby is due on November 24. The parents have agreed to raise the baby at their house (Thank God). Jesus hasn’t met the parents yet. They know about his reputation for being in and out of jail and they are understandably not impressed. As of this writing, that has yet to be resolved.

**Jesus (R) with his brother Miguel. Photo taken 3 days ago**

I see my role as Jesus’ mentor/ advocate changing. The 2 most important people in this equation now are the baby and the baby’s mom. She needs to be a strong woman and make sure that only good, positive influences are near her baby. I hope that includes Jesus. It is my heartfelt prayer that Jesus can play the good dad part, that he so desperately wants to play. For that to happen, he will have to change his focus from me to we. From past experiences, that may be a tall order but I am eternally hopeful! It’s not just about you anymore, my friend JJ.

On Being Hopeful & Hope-Filled

September 8, 2014

When interacting with other people, it occurs to me how important and beneficial it is to offer hope. Whether in everyday life situations or in personal, intimate conversations, hope can be a powerful , driving energy force ! Why not capitalize on this energy and make good use out of it.

Recently I had the fortune to have witnessed an amazing exchange of hope. All four of the Sanchez brothers were involved. (For context, see previous blogs, “All Life is Sacred”, “Other People’s Lives”, “My Eventful Day”, “Recognizing and Appreciating Life’s Small Accomplishments” & “The Importance of Having Fun and Being Happy“ )

Jesus, the youngest of the brothers, was in jail. The brothers all wanted to visit him together, before Mannie moved to Atlanta. I arranged it and we went for a half hour visit at the jail. I wasn’t allowed to actually go in (they only allow three visitors in a week) so I stayed out. Fortunately I could clearly see and hear all the interactions between them and Jesus, who was behind a thick, clear glass, they were communicating with phones, hanging from the top. In the car, on the way over to the jail, we chatted about the importance of giving Jesus a hopeful, positive visit and to not mention past misdeeds. Everyone agreed. Jesus came paraded in with the other inmates here to see the visitors. It was great to see his expression upon seeing his 3 older brothers, here to visit him. They all gave him a wonderful half hour experience, filled with hope and joy. It was beautiful to behold! Not only does giving someone hope, have an effect on the receiver, it has an equal and even stronger effect on the giver. I was so happy that they were able to experience it first-hand.

On a personal level, having hope and being hopeful can be a positive, driving force in helping people to achieve their goals and aspirations. People facing crises of all varieties have a much better chance of success and being happy in the face of hope.

In my professional life, I use hope and hope-filled actions, often and every day. I work with people who are facing death and all that that entails. By being hopeful, on every level, it makes that journey much easier.

Together with being positive and appreciative of experiences given, hope can be a powerful tool for most anyone. Do you know someone who can use a hopeful message? I’m betting that most people do. Be cheerful and offer hope to your friends and loved ones, I think that you’ll like what you see.

**Do you know someone who can use a hopeful message?**

The Importance of Having Fun and Being Happy

August 2, 2014

It may seem like a great idea to enjoy life and be happy, all well and good. How much of our time, in a day, do we devote to doing something fun? It may be as simple as driving a different way to work or scheduling something that you enjoy. How much time do we spend making sure our attitudes and outlooks are positive and happy? In a busy day, where there is hardly enough time to do the things that we need to do, sometimes a reminder to ourselves might be a beneficial thing. Remind ourselves that we deserve to be happy. It’s our birthright and only we can make it happen!

Numerous studies have shown that happier people make better decisions. Even if you’re not feeling that great, try to cultivate a happy thought, then make yourself smile about it. Your happiness level will increase and it will make you more productive according to a study published in the Academy of Management Journal recently.

Appreciate life’s small accomplishments. Be mindful of the things that do go your way, even something as simple as the store clerk getting your order right, can make you feel a greater sense of accomplishment throughout the day. Suggestions like these are easily do-able, it just takes a little practice to remind yourself that you deserve to be happy.

**Mannie & Miguel Sanchez and my nephew, Steven Jr.**

Receiving happiness from helping others is another awesome way to get a greater sense of who you really are. You are a complex human being, deserving of all life’s happiness’s.

Soak in up for all the people who can’t.

On Being Efficient

July 8, 2014

From personal experience with my family, the Sanchez brothers and other friends, I have come to appreciate the great value of being efficient. In the dictionary Efficient is described thus: Efficient (adj.) Performing or functioning in the best possible manner with the least waste of time and effort. With this definition in mind, it would seem like a nice thing to aim for.

At work, I’m a caregiver to a man who has Parkinson’s disease, being efficient makes my job a lot easier. It makes it easier on my client, also. Sometimes with Parkinson’s, the person has rigidity and a freezing effect. This can occur quite suddenly. With calm, efficient movements you can get the person settled, safe and comfortable. Efficiency in getting him in and out of the car, in and out of bed, etc. makes both of our lives easier.

At home, I mentor the 4 Sanchez brothers. On any given day, I may help all four of the brothers, in one form or another. Take today for example: Mannie stayed over last night. Jesus “showed up” at about 8 AM. He wanted to visit his dad in Escondido (about 30 miles from home). I had other plans but in the “larger picture,” this is an important event. Jesus was born in Escondido and he hasn’t seen his dad for many years. I made them breakfast and we left. We dropped Mannie at the rail station then continued on. The boys dad, Art, is taking care of Cesar (For context, see previous blogs, “All Life is Sacred”, Other People’s Lives”, “My Eventful Day” & “On Being Thankful”).

The plan for today is to drop Jesus off and take Cesar back with me home. I think it’s important that Jesus have one on one time with his dad. I took Cesar home with me. At 3 PM, I had a job driving a client. At 4 PM, I meet Mannie. He has reservations for 3 nights at the local youth hostel. I bought him this so he could have a flavor of meeting people from different countries. He is adventuresome like that and I try to encourage it. At 7 PM, I take Cesar and exchange for Jesus. Jesus and I drive home. I make him dinner then drive him home. It was a total of 135 miles and over 3 hours of driving time. Would I trade it for anything, no I wouldn’t. It’s such a great feeling to know that I am making a difference in their lives. I feel very blessed! Thanks to Being Efficient all of this was able to happen in a single day.

I think there are probably a lot of stories like mine out there. And I think that we can all relate to the fact that if we weren’t efficient at what we do, we wouldn’t get the things done that we do. So go ahead and congratulate yourselves On Being Efficient, you deserve it!

Wishing You Peace and Happiness, always

A Sad Update.

It's about 24 hours after I posted the above. Jesus was picked up and detained again for violating his probation. I'm happy for him that he got to spend about 10 hours with his dad yesterday. I pray that Jesus may find peace and happiness in his life. It would be sad to see him get used to this kind of lifestyle, I also realize that there is only so much I can do. I visualize peaceful energy directed at you for all times, my friend!

**May you find peace in your life my friend, J.J.**

All Life is Sacred

June 6, 2014

I’m on my way to the hospital to visit Cesar. He just got transferred to the Rehabilitation unit for the long, hard work ahead. Poor guy has had his share of issues in this lifetime. Through no fault of his own, he was in the foster care system for 15 years of his life. Now he is dealt another tough hand.

He was riding as a passenger in a vehicle last week. A speeding drunk driver was hurling his vehicle towards them. He hit 2 parked cars then smashed his vehicle into the car that Cesar was riding in. Meanwhile Cesar was trapped in the car. The “jaws of life” were used to get him out of the wrecked vehicle. He was transported via ambulance to the hospital. There he found out that his C-1 vertebra was badly fractured, his hip was fractured and he had many assorted bruises. The doctors did emergency surgery to fuse some of the vertebrae together. They added a plate in the back of his head with rods running down his spine.

This brings me back to the rehab unit. Cesar was confronted with the daunting task of rehabilitation. It was just too much for him at the time. He refused to participate in any of the rehab activities despite what other people were telling him. He was in such pain that all he wanted to do was sleep. Due to his lack of participation in anything, he developed pneumonia. Two days ago, after I left the hospital, I thought for sure he had completely given up on life. I was resigned to the fact that if that’s what Cesar wanted then there’s nothing more I could do. I was ready to sit with him until he passed.

Yesterday morning when I got there he started to participate in life again. I was so happy. It’s a very tough road ahead for him. He has to relearn everything, all of the activities of daily living that most people take for granted (grooming, showering, dressing, walking & sitting, etc.).

This morning I went over to the hospital to decorate a corner of his room. I bought some colorful material from the fabric store. I framed some photos of Cesar in his “glory days” so he can look at them and be inspired. I see my job now as his cheerleader. He needs to believe that he can do this and with a good, positive attitude. Stay tuned, like the rest of life, it’s a work in progress…

For context, see previous blogs, “Other People’s Lives”, “My Eventful Day” & “On Being Thankful”)

Peace and Happines, always

Mike

My Eventful Day

May 15, 2014

I had a very eventful day and I feel happy that I got so many worthwhile things accomplished in one day. It started out as most other days. I’m a compassionate caregiver and I have a client who has been in the hospital for several days. He was able to come home today. As you can imagine, he was very happy to be home. His wife, and most ardent cheerleader, has had to deal with the additional burden of having to worry if their house would still be standing. San Diego is on fire. Today some areas of the county have out of control fires raging, fanned by the hot Santa Ana winds. My clients have a house very near to the epicenter of one of the fires. In addition to having to deal with her husband’s worsening condition, she has the fire to deal with. Fortunately for all involved, she is a strong woman. I left their house about 7 PM.

I had plans with Miguel (the current Sanchez brother living with me. For additional info see my earlier blogs “Other People’s Lives” & “On Being Thankful”) for the evening. We went to do errands when Jesus, the youngest brother called. He has been having some difficulty lately with accommodations (a place to sleep). He recently met up with his friend, Steven, who offered him a job and a place to stay. Jesus wondered if I would buy some groceries for Steven’s family, as his offering of thanks, for a place to stay. I was most happy to do it. I loaded up brothers Miguel & Cesar and we went off to Food4Less. I bought $50 worth of groceries then turned to Miguel and asked him “What would you like to offer to your youngest brother?” To his credit, he offered $12 worth of additional items. We drove it over to where Jesus was working. He jumped in the car then we went to Steven’s house to drop off the groceries, then returning him to work. I was so happy that Jesus was taken care of, at least temporarily.

**With Miguel, Cesar & Jesus after dropping food off for Jesus**

On our way home we stopped off to get pizza. We drove home and as soon as we turned the corner, I realized that my garage door was open and the bicycle was stolen. I was in such a hurry to go that I forgot to put the door down, my bad. I got angry for a few minutes then I realized that this was a teaching moment. I “got off it” then continued with our earlier plans. I helped Miguel edit his blog post for the week. We watched a little American Idol. Then Cesar wanted my help. Cesar is a drag queen, very narcissistic and into his own looks. He was all dressed up then asked for a ride to meet his friends, so I took him there. Once again, I’m happy that Cesar was taken care of, at least temporarily.

There is only so much I can do and I realize it. With my limited means, I feel very fortunate to be able to do what I do. I have high hopes for Miguel. He has a job and is turning out to be a good, conscientious worker. He will enroll in college this summer and I would love to see him be the first college graduate in his family.

I have high hopes for all the boys.

It’s late, the news is on and were watching the stories about the different fires burning around here. I can’t help but wonder how everything will turn out. I have high hopes! Let’s see what tomorrow brings…

On Being Thankful

April 1, 2014

It occurred to me recently that “Being Thankful for what I have” is very important in my life. I have been fortunate and realize that being grateful and appreciative of my successes is one of the main reasons for my good fortune and happiness. I look forward for the opportunities of being able to say “Thank You” to someone, every day of my life. A simple “Thank You” can make other people feel good but it also makes me feel good.

Look around you. No matter who you are, there is something to be thankful for. A roof over your head or the food in your fridge or your family and friends. Each of these are truly gifts. Every day that you are in good health, every day that you get to go to work, every day you get to drink clean water. When you begin to recognize the goodness in your life, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for those things, you will see that every day there is more and more to be thankful for.

If you really think there is nothing to be thankful for in your life, you’re probably not trying hard enough. At the least, you should be thankful you are fortunate enough to have access to a computer with internet to be able to read this.

Studies have shown that people who regularly practice feeling thankful have an advantage when it comes to their health. Robert Emmons, a psychology professor at UC Davis, has been a leading researcher in the growing field of “positive psychology.” His research has found that those who adopt an “attitude of gratitude” as a permanent state of mind experience many health benefits.

Emmons’ findings suggest that grateful people may be more likely to:

· take better care of themselves physically and mentally

· engage in protective health behaviors and maintenance

· get more regular exercise

· eat a healthier diet

· have improved mental alertness

· cope better with stress and daily challenges

· feel happier and more optimistic

· have stronger immune systems

· maintain a brighter view of the future

With that list of benefits, who wouldn’t want to try it? Consider integrating some of these steps into your daily life.

Attitude also plays a large part in determining whether you can feel grateful, in spite of life’s challenges. Gratitude can be defined by your attitude towards both the outside world and yourself. Those who are more aware of the positives in their lives tend to focus their attention outside of themselves.

For the past 4 years, I have been a mentor/ advocate for a family of 4 brothers, the Sanchez men. There is Cesar 22, Miguel 21, Manuel 20 & Jesus 19 (read my earlier blog “Other People’s Lives”). Each of the brothers has lived with me for about 1 year, usually when they got out of the foster care system at 18. Each has their own personalities and I would never lump them all together. There is one thing, however, that I insist on for all of them and that is the importance of saying “Thank You” every time it’s due. As I explain it to them, “It’ not that I like hearing ‘Thank You’ for myself. It’s an important life lesson so I insist on it. Good manners will take you a long way”. They are probably tired of hearing it but every time they don’t say it when it’s due, I go into my speech.

I truly believe that being grateful opens me to more opportunities to be grateful for. This has proven true in my personal life and I am very fortunate.

**(L -R) Miguel, Cesar, Jesus & Manuel**

The Importance of Being Patient →

March 14, 2014

Sometimes I tend to be an impatient kind of guy. I want things when I want them and why didn’t I get them. I put an unreal expectation on myself and other people around me when I’m in this frame of mind. People much smarter than me have commented on this for a long time.

Have patience with all things, but first of all, with yourself - Saint Francis

When I realize I’m in the “impatience mode” and change it, I have found that I can get a lot more accomplished, especially when dealing with other people. First off, I find I’m more relaxed and able to be my true, loving self. People around you can “feel” when you are uptight/ impatient and conversely when you are relaxed and calm.

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world Helen Keller

When you are relaxed and calm you release all your worldly concerns and tensions, allowing life’s energy to flow more freely and effortlessly. This is you at your best and it’s much easier to have patience in this state. For this and many other reasons it is important to find something that helps you to relax. Some people pray, some chant, some meditate and some do all of the above. Whatever form of relaxation you choose, just do it!

How poor are they that have not patience. What wound did ever heal but by degrees? William Shakespeare

I invite you to try listening to some chants for yourself. It’s free and I’m not selling anything. On this website I have some professionally recorded chants that I invite you to listen to. I have the words onscreen, in both English and phonetic Tibetan, to chant along with. The 5 minute long “OM MANI PEME HUNG” chant will definitely help relax most anyone. Why not try for yourself!

“If you can cultivate the right attitude, your enemies are your best spiritual teachers because their presence provides you with the opportunity to enhance and develop tolerance, patience and understanding.” - Dalai Lama

Sacred Run - Australia

February 26, 2014

This story was originally published in the Auckland Express newspaper on February 1, 2001 at Auckland, New Zealand. I wrote this story after having just returned from this remarkable journey through Australia, while it was still fresh in my mind. I have just recently come upon these great photos taken during the Run by Billy "Turtle Warrior" Ledger, one of the runners. Please enjoy.

The sacred Run 2000 Australia started in La Perouse (near Sydney) on June 1 and concluded on August 26th, 2000 back in Sydney. I was with the run from the start thru August 10 when the run went through Adelaide. There were 25 runners from different parts of the world including myself. We covered over 13,000 kilometers in just under 3 months.

The purpose of the Sacred Run was to connect with the indigenous peoples of Australia and together in a spiritual way, try to raise people’s consciousness towards issues affecting not only the Aboriginal communities but also our future generations and the fragile balance between humanity and our environment.

Spiritual running differs from recreational running in that while you are running, you are “focusing your attention” on the reasons why you are running. I was not only running for all the amazing Aboriginal people we met but also for All Beings everywhere!

**Runners from L-R. Emillio, Emmett (oldest runner at 70), Vince & Marcus**

The Sacred Run was started in the United States in 1978 by Dennis Banks, an Anishinabe activist and leader, with the purpose of carrying the message that “All Life is Sacred”. It was inspired by the ancient Native American tradition of running great distances, even to the most remote villages, to spread the messages, news and information.

I think there were two main reasons we were welcomed into these communities. It was Dennis Banks' organization and he has a large following among the Aboriginal communities, I think they see similar struggles). The second was our No Drugs/ No Alcohol policy. Unfortunately in a lot of the communities, alcohol & drugs are a problem.

Our course for the run took us through every state in Australia. We “targeted” Aboriginal communities so we would often go out onto rough, out of the way dirt roads in order to reach the different communities.

We purposely started the Run in La Perouse, the closest Aboriginal land to Sydney. From there our route took us north through New South Wales and the Aboriginal communities of Quirindi, Armidale, Moree and Toomelah. In Queensland, we ran through Toowoomba, Cherbourg, Eldsvold, Biloela, Sarina, Tully, Cairns and Laura.

We tried to get to Weipa in Cape York and the Torres Strait islands but we were stopped by the Stewart River. In the outback the only way to cross most rivers is to drive through them. One of our vehicles (mine) got stuck in the river in the evening. We knew that there were hungry crocks in the river and it was hard for us to see. We posted several people with torches to watch “for the eyes” while the rest of us got out and pushed the vehicle out. It was a little scary.

Our route through the Northern Territory took us right in the heart of Arnhamland then on through the center of the country down to Uluru and Kata Tjuta. We got to spend several days with the native peoples from Mutitjulu, right in Uluru National Park.

Often times the communities would send out their elders to greet us and their young school age kids to run in with us, sometimes as many as 40 kids would show up with the elders. We would run into the towns carrying the Aboriginal flag. Occasionally we would get a police escort or a tribal elder’s vehicle to lead the way into town. Sometimes this was seen as a big and important event in some of these Aboriginal communities. Member of the local community were sometimes out on the roadways waving and cheering as we went by.

**Aboriginal community members showing support for the runners.**

You have to keep in mind that some of the places we visited were way out in the bush, the longest was 350 KM’s from the nearest town, on a rough dirt road.

Most of the communities would have a meal of some kind for us. They knew that we would be coming on a certain date and sometimes these were quite elaborate events. In several of the communities they had BBQ for us. I suspect that on more than one occasion, I ate kangaroo and other local game. The most exotic thing I ate was stuffed fruit bat. I was hesitant about trying it but this one particular host was quite insistent that I try it, so I did. It wasn’t too bad.

The only thing that I did not try was grubs. We were in one community way out in the bush and they puta plate of baked grubs on the table but I just couldn’t do it. A couple of the runners tried them and said they were “kind of nutty” tasting but I’ll never know.

In some of the communities, especially in the Northern Territory, we got demonstrations of how they make the didjiridoo and how to play it. One elder showed us how he hollows the branches out. He puts sugar in the middle so the ants eat the insides out. It was cool to see.

**Didjiridoo maker playing one his recent creations.**

In other communities they showed us how they make boomerangs, the different types for the different needs and how to throw them properly.

After dinner we always had an evening social where the runners would share stories about their lives and listen to the concerns of the local community. It was a great way to exchange ideas.

After the social we needed our rest, sometimes these events would go on quite late. We had many different types of accommodations but most required our sleeping bags and usually our tents, too. We stayed in community halls, churches, parks, hostels, gymnasiums, schools, etc. When we were traveling to the more remote communities it would take several days to get there so we would sleep wherever our run ended for that day. On rare occasions we would get to sleep in beds. This was especially true when we were near larger towns, it happened in two or three places and when it did, it was a treat!

Having completed the run, I can now take some time to “digest” all the places I’ve been and all the people I’ve met. The only drawback to a run like this is that you are always on the go, never able to spend more than a day or two in any one place.

All in all, I feel very fortunate to have been able to experience first-hand the Aboriginal communities, with their trials and tribulations. I have met elders who are committed to restoring their unique languages. I have met dedicated traditional people who are taking control of their own school systems and restructuring them to better meet their needs. I have met some wonderful community leaders whose vision will successfully take Aboriginal peoples into the next century and beyond!

Runners Paul & Billy "Turtle Warrior" Ledger with Wadjularbinna. Wadjularbinna is an activist tirelessly working on the preservation of the     various Aboriginal cultures and languages. She is an amazing wo… — Runners Paul & Billy "Turtle Warrior" Ledger with Wadjularbinna. Wadjularbinna is an activist tirelessly working on the preservation of the various Aboriginal cultures and languages. She is an amazing woman!

Other Peoples Lives

February 13, 2014

I have been very fortunate in my life thus far and feel blessed to be a part of other people’s lives. For the past 3 ½ years, I have been involved with a family of 4 young men, the Sanchez brothers; Cesar - 22, Miguel - 21, Manuel – 20 & Jesus will be 19 soon. They have all been in the foster care system for most of their lives. I first got involved with the family through the oldest boy, Cesar. He didn't have any place to go so I invited him to stay with me to “figure out what he wanted to do with his life”. I allowed him to stay for a little more than a year. In fact, I have allowed 3 of the Sanchez boys to live with me, for about 1 year each, usually when they got out of the foster care system at age 18. I have helped 3 of them get jobs, I took them on their first plane rides, I helped Manuel learn to drive and get his driver’s license, etc. And as it turns out, I am going to have the fourth brother, Miguel, stay with me starting on March 1st this year, it’s his turn.

It certainly has not always been easy, as you can expect, with four testosterone laden young men trying to figure out their place in life. The most important thing for me to remember is that they are all individuals and have their own personalities.

While it would be easy to lump them all together, that would not be fair to any of them. They all have special attributes that makes them unique individuals. Cesar is fortunate in that he is always happy, regardless of what is going on in his life. Manuel has aspirations of being a comedian and a rap artist. He has a tough exterior but is very kind and helpful to his brothers. Jesus is still trying to figure out what his niche in life is. He is kind to his friends. We chant together and I can feel that it really helps him to relax and focus. As for Miguel, he wants to be a preacher. When he moves in here with me, I will help him attain any and all goals he may have for himself.

Cesar & Marie - same person

I consider myself very fortunate to be able to take an active part in these young men's lives. Even with my limited means, I know for sure that I am making a difference in their lives and in mine.

I am truly blessed.

Everyday Compassion

February 7, 2014

As a practitioner of Tibetan Buddhism, whose main practice is compassion, often times everyday life throws challenges my way. While it’s easy to say “oh, just be compassionate to everyone”, the reality is, it takes constant focus and attention. Focus not only on all of my actions but attention to my “state of mind” as well.

Take for example driving. On my way to work this morning in my car someone cut in front of me to make a quick turn. They made the dumb move but I noticed I was the one who was “out of my calm self” for a while. It took a few minutes until I realized what was going on and changed myself, again focus and attention. Fortunately for me it takes less time to realize myself when I’m “out of calm”.

These kinds of situations always arise in the process of living our daily lives. Different things always come up but it’s how quickly I react and “re-set myself” that makes the difference. Thanks again focus and attention.

I am my own harshest critic so I need to remind myself that it’s taking me less time to reset but…I’m still striving to be compassionate to everyone, every time and in every situation. I'm a work in progress…

Lama Samten w/ his right hand woman, Kate. My banana car in background.

The 2 Karmapa's

February 2, 2014

As most people know there is a “controversy” surrounding the Karmapa, the spiritual head of the Karma Kagyu school of Tibetan Buddhism. To help understand a little better, here’s a brief thumbnail outline.

The 4 main schools of Tibetan Buddhism are the:

Gelug - founded by Tsongkhapa and headed by HH Dalai Lama.

Sakyu – founded by Khon Konchog Gyalpo and headed by HH Sakyu Trinzin.

Nyingma – founded by Padmasambhava or Guru Rinpoche. There never was a single head of the lineage until fairly recently.

Kagyu – founded by Gampopa and headed by HH Karmapa.

Within the Kagyu lineage there are sub groups. The main sub group is the Dagpo Kagyu which includes the Kagyu schools that tract back to Naropa. Within these are the 4 sub-groups of which the Karma Kagyu is the largest. The Karmapa is the head of this lineage.

On Nov. 5, 1981, while on a world-wide tour giving teachings and empowerments, the 16th Karmapa, Rangjung Rigpe Dorje, died in Zion, Illinois. It is with the recognition process of the 17th Karmapa that the controversy swirls.

As for me personally, I follow Ogyen Trinley Dorje. I have two “spiritual friends”, Lama Karma Samten & Lama Karma Shedrup. In 1980, they were sent to New Zealand to open a Karma Kagyu center by the 16th Karmapa. I have a very personal connection to them and the Karmapa. I feel very fortunate.

However, there are many people, very nice, intelligent people who follow Trinley Thaye Dorje. There is no right or wrong choice, your Karma will lead you to follow the Karmapa who you have the “connection” with. The most important thing to remember is that we are all practitioners of the Dharma, and that’s beautiful! We need to see each other as Dharma brothers and sisters, all praying with the same goal in mind: to help All beings attain Buddhahood.

I invite you to please leave your comments.

Peace and Happiness to All beings.

I invite anyone who is interested in the matter to do research for yourself. A good place to start is to Google “Karmapa controversy”. You will find many different articles with different points of view.